Catheters, Social Media and Self- Love

A big part of my advocacy on social media is practicing self-love. The concept of self-love seems so easy but the act of loving yourself is difficult for many of us. They say we’re our own worst critics and it’s true, we know we can pick faults in ourselves and not have the repercussions of hurting someone’s feelings. Finding faults in ourselves can and does become almost like an addiction. Once you find one fault you will naturally look for more and it’s a slippery slope.

Learning to love yourself and your body is a difficult task for a ‘healthy person’ (what even is a healthy person though?) but when you live with a chronic illness, have a disability or suffer with mental health, this task is much harder than you initially thought.

How can we love ourselves and our bodies when they’re changing in ways that we don’t want them to?

Up until a year or two ago, I struggled to have any confidence and certainly didn’t love myself or my body. Growing into a woman is tough. You have these changes to your body that are extreme and as you see your body shape changing, you watch others of a similar age change too and instantly, the mind ticks over making you doubt the normality of your own body. I have always been a curvy girl, even when I was a size 6/8, I had big thighs, a big bum and big hips in comparison to others of the same “dress size”. There are many factors that contribute to a low self-confidence, and self-love, or lack thereof, in my opinion is the biggest.

My journey to self-love began in summer 2020 when I realised, I had to do something positive to help break me away from the suicidal thoughts I was having. I was upset with my body as I had put on weight, and I was angry with my bladder for failing on me. As I decided to raise awareness for Interstitial Cystitis, I would take photographs and upload them to social media. As I took more and more photographs, I began to understand my body and exactly what it does for me. It was like studying a painting, interpreting what I saw in front of me and learning to appreciate each intricate detail.

I look back at the days when I was a size 6/8/10 without a catheter and less symptomatic conditions and it’s strange knowing that I didn’t really love myself back then.

Don’t get me wrong, I have days now where I struggle to find that self-love, it’s not an easy ride. But, I’m a size 14/16 with 5 health conditions, a permanent catheter and the respect, love and gratitude I have for my body is more than ever.

9 times out of 10, social media has more of a negative impact than positive.

Naturally people want to share their good times, their exciting, good news and they want to post photos when they’re looking their best. I can completely understand the reasoning for this, but it creates such a negative impact on their followers. You become jealous, envious and become obsessed with feeling that you need to conform to ‘fit in’.

The journey of self-love is not easy and plain sailing, but it is so rewarding and is a gift that you can cherish forever. Remember, be you, you’re amazing and worthy of every type of love there is.

Tayla x